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Responsibility: A state of having a duty to deal with something, or of being accountable***
I’ve been thinking about the word/concept “responsibility” since I decided to start publishing a monthly journal in addition to essays like this one. My first release was published on 4/4 and is here and another will come out shortly after the turn of this month, likely the morning of 5/2. It’s mostly about my local Art scene.
I had pretty much made the decision to embark on said project when I wrote the piece Development early last month, in which I reflected that going forward my practice, which now includes said journal, was going to be directed towards “owning the value of my relationship to all of you, and letting go of activities that don’t grow my connections or influence.” I was signaling responsibility, but not only for being aware enough of what I wanted and needed to start setting goals and working towards boundaries.
When I state that I’m intending to actively own my relationship to this community and (worded slightly differently) focus on activities where I am shown respect and reciprocity, that’s the “boundary” I referred to. It felt hard to write. My therapist helped me feel OK asking for it though; I said at the time it made me feel self-important, blowing the horn of my own worth to all of you. I did not in fact know why I was taking the picture below when I did, and I think this silly cherub is tooting his own horn, too, with his nose.

The other nexus to responsibility in the “why” for the newsletter is the goal- to take myself more seriously as a journalist, by formatting my written creative output so that it is journalism. I can’t expect anyone to consider this part of my practice such unless I do.
I’ve got a complicated history with “responsibility,” having grown up in a pretty doctrinaire household. Because I am a cis, het, white male that was raised to be a leader in a Christian nationalist culture, I also got a lot of opportunity to both be responsible and a fair number of second chances when I failed, with a healthy number of “L”s which kept me focused and motivated. All that to say I was afforded opportunities to try on responsibility that, context aside, helped me get very comfortable with executing it and having it as a requirement.
My own, early experiences with responsibility were not always positive. The definition of the word responsibility does also include “the ability to act independently,” as in, some authority has vested control over outcomes to a subordinate. In many instances, “you’re responsible” was a cudgel used with a heaping dose of fear of failure- failure here means, of course, disappointing authority. In addition, the noun can refer to a person having actual control over- “responsibility” for- someone. I don’t care for this very western-centric lens for responsibility that is clearly about capitalist power dynamics.
I also grew up in a church which was more liberal than my home environment, oddly enough, and regularly participated in Scouting. These two institutions are where, at least during my developmental years, I learned to be “good,” and I mean that with all the contradictions… from wanting approval from authority to forming a deontological orientation in terms of my values and behaviors, which I still carry with me today. I’m still surprised from time to time that my deep conviction regarding the way we do things- specifically that “the means” matters as much as the ends and reflect our values- came from these two institutions in which I can longer participate because of their deviation from those very values. “Yes,” I find I am also generally averse to groups, particularly large ones, with black and white values that demand allegiance and spoken purity tests.
I still intend to take responsibility for (and write about) “good” outcomes though, I just fill the “good” bucket with different things now. I’m also grateful to be in a place now where I can see the arc of how my core personality was shaped. It is in that spirit of self awareness that I share the background on my orientation to, AKA biases about, the idea of responsibility.
What did I mean by the “not only (for being aware…)” in the second paragraph? While I am reorienting my plans and goals to deliver a more fulfilling Art practice to me, I also keenly feel the responsibility to move and act in a way that builds community and capacity, especially in this Art community. If you find that a little… disconcerting, knowing my bias to the concept of responsibility, join the club. I like to imagine I’m not alone in though, if nothing else because hope is a thing still, people. Whether your motivation looks like the “Boy Scout” responsibility-as-obligation that drives me, or- hopefully- some more rationally grounded boundary that includes a recognition that any garden must be tended, well, I’ll say this is an area of my life where I trend toward a more teleological orientation to goals, so…
I usually land on a theme for one of these essays when the universe shows me the concept in action more than twice. In this case, my prior blog was the initial stirring of thought given my (dual) realization about responsibility. The catalyst for some specificity came after reading Cara Ober over at BMore Arts writing about a positive development for her organization. Beyond being very well executed, BMore Arts is an important project for that community, which I have financially supported in the past, and it would thrilling to have a similar periodical in the Triangle.
Ober addresses, among several other, related topics, the hard reality that “..successful organizations are able to monetize their support from love and respect into actual dollars without undermining their mission.” I hope that beyond the obvious relevance of this orientation to responsibility (note: “mission”) you’ll no doubt recognize given the prior paragraphs why I felt a strong personal resonance with this sentiment. Don’t worry, this doesn’t end with a pledge drive for this blog or a GoFundMe for my new journal project. Today at least.
Ober brings the real talk at many points in the article, which is long and worth the read, if you have the appetite for a call to responsibility. Consider this:
“I have seen so many magazines and newspapers that people absolutely ADORE and depend upon being unable to pay their bills or accruing debt. After the entity is gone, constituents mourn and say how terrible it is, what a loss… and perhaps if, given a chance, these people would have supported keeping the organization alive? Regardless, too little, too late is a familiar story.”
This one landed, too:
“I have seen too many cultural organizations founded by individuals willing to do whatever it takes to keep it afloat and then, hitting a brick wall when it comes to leadership change. Typically this is because the founder is willing to work without pay, or for very little pay, and their sacrifice is built into the DNA of the organization. When it comes time to attract a new director with the skills necessary to move the organization forward, there is no a person willing to work so hard for so little.”
I have personally watched a parallel if not identical chain of events to the type generally described in the second quote above happen to another organization of which I was previously a part- maybe you have as well? The net here I think is that no project can survive if its foundation is a sense of responsibility that is not reasonable or shared. While the quote above and my reflection on it may seem directed at directors, I’m assigning this to all of us. And not without context.
The “kicker” for me in choosing this theme was that, shortly after reading Ober’s piece, I learned about a couple of local Art projects that might be coming to a close soon- not definitively but in by-the-fingernails mode. With the hard look in the mirror from Ober fresh in my mind, news that we all might find ourselves in a position where we have less*** was the clear nudge that I should reflect out loud on what responsibility means to me.
I regularly use the phrase “a rising tide should lift all boats.” Turns out I’m incorrectly quoting a phrase that is incorrectly attributed to JFK, and is, also, the kernel of another, future essay. And I said what I said. Y’all may have heard me phrase it “to have space you must make space” if we’ve hung out irl (or if you read this piece). Given that I started off by pointing out I wanted (to have) space, to be consistent with my values, I will move and act in this space with that intention (to make space) in my mind. If you’re finding yourself wondering if there is a contradiction inherent in pointing out Ober’s thoughts about neglecting to value our work as artists and launching a free journal, well, there are always contradictions around these parts, as regular readers know. Maybe not charging for this blog is a mistake; maybe I should be self-assured enough to demand and not express a want. Maybe some or even most of you people reading these thoughts, even if they are free, will move differently in how we treat our community and each other.
Maybe both are true…
*** Also and***
the various definitions of “responsibility” often include the concept of blame. While I cringe at that word, because of the background I shared above, I think it is fair and well, responsible, to consider that part of taking responsibility is accountability for bad outcomes. This is perhaps one of the hardest contexts within which to apply honesty. Part of that challenge is (probably obviously) seeing through your own biases; the other part of the challenge is that the party demanding accountability will always have their own biases, too. Or, perhaps, untrue, dishonest, or even ill intentions. It’s also, always, a possibility that multiple things can be true simultaneously.




























































